The Meetcha Live blog talked about divorce being catchy earlier in the month (see: Have you caught the divorce bug?) but I hear more about 'taking a break' than anything else these days. The problem is, most folks don't really know what taking a break really means, which leads to more heartache than I have time to counsel.
One reader summed it up for me nicely the other day: "Taking a break means not cutting ties to each other, but postponing the relationship temporarily to see where things are at." I like the definition, other than the 'see where things are at' part, because its vague and doesn't list specifics.
To me, taking a break means taking a step back from a relationship that isn't meeting one or both partner's needs, and reviewing how the relationship fits into their life picture over the long term. Its about re-evaluating or redefining the relationship without the stress of the relationship itself.
The problem with 'taking a break' is that few people actually define what it means for their relationship. Does it mean one or both of you can see other people, or do you not want to muddy the waters with more? Can you contact each other (like texting), or do you really take a break from interacting on all levels? When does the break end, and how will either of you know it? What outcome(s) are one or both of you hoping for from taking a break, and do both parties know it?
The only book I've read that tackles this touchy subject is one I've talked about briefly earlier this month: Don't Break Up, Make Up by Dr. Bonnie Weil (Buy Direct). In it, Weil suggests that couples she counsels take a break to save their relationship, and outlines specific requirements to ensure everyone's needs are met. For those of you currently taking a break, I highly recommend it.
But what about you? Have you ever taken a break? Why? What happened? Was the outcome positive, or worth it to you? Why or why not?
Related: Take a Dating Break, What Not To Do After a Breakup, Can You Break Up to Make Up? [read more]
Every week, dating site owners submit their dating sites to our database. Here's this week's roundup.
FleshPimp
Free adult dating site.
Interracial Socializing
Pay-per-use dating site focusing on singles wanting a relationship with someone of a different race.
Limenice
Bulgarian-language dating site, soon to be an international dating site.
Millionaire Cougar
Niche dating site specializing in rich women who like younger men, or rich men wanting younger women.
Amolatina
International dating site focusing on Latin singles.
Positive Dating Personals
For singles with a sexually transmitted disease, or those who don't mind dating someone who has one.
FussyOnes
Totally free dating site.
Ukrainian Brides
Matrimonial dating site for primarily men wanting to marry a Ukrainian woman.
Hit This Now Network
What looks to be an adult dating site with a strong social networking twist.
Military Hotspot
Niche dating site specializing in members of the military and the folks who want to meet them for a date.
Have you used one of these dating sites? Then review it! Reader dating site reviews. [read more]
For the first time since I've had an account with Plentyoffish, I've found the site to be inaccessible. I only found out because a few readers emailed me, asking me if the service was down and if I knew anything about it.
So of course, I tried to log in. Depending on what part of the site you try to access, you'll get a different response -- either "Server Unavailable" or "Server too busy". A quick search on Google showed that there was nothing (yet) hitting the blogosphere on this holiday weekend, but that there was a prior server outage on or around the 8th and 9th of June, 2009.
Have you had issues logging into Plentyoffish, or is it working for you? [read more]
Thanks to a heads up from Pure Romance, I learned that August is Romance Awareness Month. Romance Awareness seemed an interesting way of phrasing things, and without any reference as to who, or why the month-long celebration started (I looked, couldn't find anything), I have to assume that it means August is the month where we should take a step back and try to create more romance in our lives - single, coupled up, or otherwise.
So with that in mind, I'll be focusing this month on romantic things to do that aren't the typical sappy-sweet Valentine's Day stuff you've heard of (or done) several times over. Rather, I want to fill this month with romantic things to do that are simple, fun, and loving - and whether that's loving yourself or someone else, it doesn't matter.
So let's start off this month with one of my favorite romantic things to do: the You Light Up My Life romantic idea. [read more]
Occasionally, I receive an email or submission from a reader that shakes me. A few years ago it was the guy asking if it it was okay to "occasionally hit your girlfriend" - some of the responses to that post continue to haunt me - and today its a 16 year old girl and her abusive relationship, and how powerless she feels to get out of it.
This story hits home to me because, as I've shared before, I too have been a victim of dating violence. He was my second boyfriend, I was in my late teens, and at the time I was too scared to ask for help for fear of retribution. Eventually the police became involved and I was able to get the support and counseling I needed. Years later I worked as an eligibility officer for the welfare system, and found myself dealing with young women - like the former version of myself - who were too scared to leave, but also terrified they (or their children) wouldn't make it out alive. This reader submission instantly took me back to that place of fear and helplessness, and wanting to help.
I've already taken action to contact and locate the young woman, and have provided a list of teen crisis lines as well as resources for her to get out safely -- but I'd still like to hear from those of you who have been in a similar situation, or who have other suggestions and support. Feel free to leave messages in the comments section for any ideas specific to this woman's situation, or share your story of how you got out of an abusive relationship, and help other women feel supported and less alone.
Related: What is Dating Violence?, Web of Friends (Teen Dating Violence Support Forum), How To Avoid Abusive Relationships (Teen Advice), Why Do I Keep Attracting Abusive Relationships? (Holistic Health)
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
- National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE
- Network for Battered Lesbians and Bisexual Women: 1-617-423-SAFE
- Gay Men's Domestic Violence Project: 1-800-832-1901
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