Only a few months after introducing their new, free dating site, Match.com's Down To Earth has morphed into Stir.com, a portal for what's new and hot in the nightlife scene. According to their tagline: "People. Places. Parties. Stir is here to help you find the best of all of them."
Users who had previously registered with Down To Earth have automatically been moved to the new portal, although members who aren't interested in the lifestyle site can log in to either company and go to the account preferences page to have their account removed. However when I logged into Stir.com to see what the story was for myself, I was unable to locate this page. Users will however receive an email informing them of this change, and how to unsubscribe if need be.
Is it worth migrating to Stir.com, or keeping your profile active? In my opinion, it depends on what you're after in the dating world. If Stir.com becomes anything like long-standing nightlife portal ClubZone, you'll definitely meet new people through the service that have similar interests and tastes. But when I went to look and see who else in my area had signed up - or even what was going on this weekend - I was met with an error message that repeatedly stated, "Our site may be experiencing technical difficulties, or we may be working to improve this area of the site," along with an ad to another singles dating site.
UPDATE: A kind gentleman from Match.com contacted me after I posted this blog entry, advising me that Stir.com "doesn't currently have any event data in Canada," which would explain why I wasn't able to see much on the site (being a Canadian). The company however is looking into the errors to see if something else is amiss. If you've used Stir.com, feel free to post in the comments your experiences with the new service.
Related: Get Over Your Fears About Meeting New People, Places To Meet Singles, Top Free Dating Sites.
Down To Earth Becomes Stir.com originally appeared on About.com Dating on Saturday, October 24th, 2009 at 00:37:05.
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Julian asks: "I have been dating my girlfriend for almost a year now, and since the beginning we have been having sex. All of a sudden though, she tells me that she does not want to "disrespect" her body and that she does not want us having sex anymore. I feel like she should not have made such a big decision that affects both of us without even talking to me about it beforehand. I love her very much and to me the sex was a way of showing that love. It seems to me that if a relationship was sexually active, and that factor is suddenly taken away, the relationship can't be expected to be the same. Any advice?"
I agree that your relationship with your girlfriend cannot be the same as it was before, as what sounds like a big part of the way the two of you share your affection was through sexual intercourse has now been removed from the equation. However, I think that having sex or not having sex isn't the question.
Yes, it would have been much easier and kinder if your girlfriend to have talked to you about what was going through her mind before she made a decision. When you enter into a relationship with someone, part of that process is agreeing that any major decisions that affect the both of you are discussed, first. Someone gets offered their dream job 400 miles away, an ex invites you to their wedding, or whom to spend the holidays with are all conversations better had, together, before a decision has been made.
Sex however is a tricky one, because for many people it is very difficult to talk to their partner about their needs and wants. Using the word "disrespect" tells me that your girlfriend has been struggling with this for some time and needs you to understand her dilemma. It wasn't easy for her I'm sure to tell you about her decision, but I'll hazard a guess that it had very little to do with you. Rather, some outside force is "telling" her that sex is shameful, bad or not to be shared with someone she isn't married to. Problem is, it doesn't sound like you know which category her decision falls into.
Ask her why she feels sex is disrespectful to her body, and try to really listen to what she's saying. I know its difficult to hear from the person you love that they want to stop an important aspect of your relationship, but if you want to make things work with this woman, you are going to have to bite your tongue (and pride) and find out the reasons why she feels this way. When did this become a problem, and why? What is she hoping to gain from not having sex with you anymore? Is all affection off limits (kissing, touching, hand holding), or just sex itself? Has she talked to a mental health professional, medical expert, sex therapist or someone in her religion and/or family about her decision?
Once you have a better idea as to what the reasoning is behind her decision, you can sit down together and talk about how a sexless relationship will affect the both of you, and whether or not it is something you can go back to. I know of women who have stopped having sex with their partners to prompt a marriage proposal, others who have found a religious calling, and yet others who were feeling depressed and didn't find sex at all satisfying anymore. Whatever her reason, you'll have to weigh your feelings on the matter, see if the two of you can come to a compromise (or at the very least get some professional help on the matter), and if not, determine whether or not your relationship can evolve into something new or if it is time for the two of you to part ways.
Related: Should We Take This Relationship To The Next Level Or Breakup?, The Problem of Desire in Long Term Relationships.
Reader Question About Sex and Dating originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009 at 18:26:55.
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Break ups suck, no matter whether you're the one being broken up with, or the one doing the breaking up. Its going to hurt no matter what happens, and thus, some coping skills are needed.
Over the years, surely you've found some things that have helped you move on and get over someone. I know that for me, the worst break ups have also been the times in my life where I've grown the most, and been the busiest - more out of necessity than anything.
How about you? How have you coped with a bad break up? A new feature still in its testing phase is being tried out on this site, which allows readers like yourself to share a story about how they overcame or did something that is dating related. I'd love to hear your stories about coping after a break up (form), and what worked for you, as well as any feedback about the form and process itself. You can reach me at dating.guide@about.com if there are any problems.
Related: What Not To Do After A Break Up, Kick Bad Love Habits After A Break Up.
Coping After A Break Up originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, October 4th, 2009 at 20:21:45.
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Casey asks a dating question: "We've been dating a few months now, and I feel like I'm falling in love with my boyfriend. How can I tell he feels the same way without asking him outright?"
I once counseled a preteen girl who had told me she had a boyfriend for a day. No one knew that she had a boyfriend, and they didn't do anything but read a book together. She told me that she broke up with him because she realized she didn't like him "like that", but wanted to know if she'd done the right thing. My answer? "When you meet someone that you are so excited about, so enraptured over, that you can't help but want to yell off the top of the mountain how amazing they make you feel -- you'll know. Because if he was meant to be your boyfriend, you wouldn't want to keep him a secret." And that dear reader, is fairly similar advice to what I'll give you.
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Asking the Question - Do You Love Me? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009 at 13:03:02.
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The front page of a newspaper loudly states, "Killer Looking For Love Online". Although the article is biased and quite sarcastic (as evidenced by the author's byline, "Inside Edge") it does point out an interesting topic for debate: do inmates deserve love too?
In the article in question, the author speaks of the violent, destructive crimes the inmate is convicted of: "a life sentence of first degree mass murder," where the inmate set a house on fire with five people inside, including three children, because he was convinced one of the residents had ratted him out to the police about another, unrelated stabbing. All pretty convincing information, for sure - information that isn't shared in the inmate's 250 word online dating profile that cost $79.95/year to create.
What changes the entire tone of the debate however is that the inmate used a dating site specifically geared towards inmates called PrisonPenPals.com. Most inmates have limited access to the internet, so dating sites geared towards convicted criminals usually accept applications by mail only for their online dating sites.
So the folks who are perusing these pen pal/dating sites for inmates are already aware the people on them have done something that society deems they shouldn't have. What many don't know however, is what they were convicted of. An exception to this rule is a site called Women Behind Bars, which I've highlighted in my list of Strange Love dating sites, where each inmate has whatever they were convicted for listed prominently.
My question to you therefore is this: if an inmate has signed up for a dating site that caters to their incarceration, is it ok? Does the fact that the site has already predetermined all users are behind bars make it clear enough, or should inmates be barred altogether from finding love online? Does what they've been convicted of matter, or should only certain types of inmates be allowed to seek love online?
Reference: Ethan Baron. (2010, January 15). Mass Murderer Seeks 'Upbeat' Penpal; He's Lonely: Nathan Fry Set Fire To A House, Killing 5 People. The Province, A.4.
Do Inmates Deserve Love Too? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Friday, January 15th, 2010 at 13:11:37.
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