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Last Minute Valentine Gifts

A few recent emails have asked me what kind of Valentine gifts readers could buy for their partner at the last minute - either because they'd completely forgotten about the event, really had no clue what to do and waited until the last minute, or had just started a relationship and weren't sure if they should get their new partner something special.

For those in the forgetful camp, I've created a small but fun list of last minute valentine gifts, most of which are inexpensive. I've also tried to include a few on the list that were appropriate for newer couplings as well as more seasoned partnerships. I'd also recommend taking a peek at my first date gift ideas for those new to each other - everything on the list is inexpensive, fun, and lighthearted enough to share early on, while still providing ample opportunity for romance and/or get-to-know-you conversations.

Do you have any suggestions for last minute valentine gifts, or has your partner ever surprised you with something truly magical that probably didn't take a lot of time to set up?

More last minute valentine gift ideas:

Flower Gifts - why last minute? Because they deliver!
Valentines Day Chocolatesmost of these only have another day to ship, so you may want to order right now if you'd like it in time.
Plant A Tree Gift - Self explanatory probably; you purchase a tree on behalf of your partner virtually, and the tree is named after them in their honor. Or, you could go to a nursery and purchase a small tree and plant it together as a symbol of your love growing for one another.
Romantic Valentine Ideas - Everything on this list is something you can create with a day's notice or less.
Romantic Dinner for Two - I like pairing this one with the dinner and a movie date idea personally, but you could just go all out making dinner instead.
Romantic Text Messages - Honestly, there's no reason why you can't use your cell phone to create romance with your partner. Maybe a lovey scavenger hunt, or a series of short, cute love quotes throughout the day?
You Light Up My Life Romantic Idea - Quick, simple, and only as far away as the dollar or toy store.

Last Minute Valentine Gifts originally appeared on About.com Dating on Thursday, February 11th, 2010 at 22:20:44.

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Dating Question About Older Men, Younger Women

Chloe asks: "I'm 18 and my boyfriend is 31. He's ready to start a family with me, but I feel like I'm too young to even start thinking about having kids. I'm flattered that he wants me as the mother of his children but the thought scares me too. He's the only guy I've ever dated, and I really care about him a lot. How do I tell him I'm not ready for kids without him breaking up with me over it?"

What concerns me most about your question Chloe is the older man aspect of your equation. You probably already know, but dating someone who is thirteen years older than you at this stage of your life is a challenge at the best of times. He's ready to settle down and you aren't. He's already learned how to be independent and live as an adult, whereas you're just getting started - and may still be finishing high school. Basically, your goals and aspirations aren't going to jive with your boyfriends'.

This might be difficult to hear, and I realize its not what you're asking, but you need to tell him that you're not ready to have kids yet and prepare yourself for the relationship ending because of it. This isn't your time to start a family, and from what you've said, that won't change anytime soon. If he's dead set on having kids ASAP, then it might be best for both of you if things ended now.

Dating Question About Older Men, Younger Women originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, February 28th, 2010 at 00:10:44.

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Dating Blog Carnival Returns

Last year I used to host a dating and relationships blog carnival here, but because of lack suitable posts I had to discontinue the carnival. However several readers and a few colleagues have mentioned the carnival and how much they enjoyed reading it, so I've decided to revamp to see how it goes on a monthly schedule.

If you are interested in sharing a blog post that related to singles, dating and relationships with our readers, please read over the dating blog carnival guidelines for more information.

Dating Blog Carnival Returns originally appeared on About.com Dating on Friday, October 30th, 2009 at 12:15:44.

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How Much Do Looks Matter?

A new, short lived series called Dating in the Dark (6 episodes in its first season, pending the ok for season number two) has gotten me thinking about attraction, chemistry, and how much looks really matter to singles and dating couples.

Is What I Find Attractive Weird?

Becca asks: "While we were at the mall, a girlfriend of mine asked me if I found guys with hair on their chests attractive. I said no because I grew up swimming competitively, so I'm not used to seeing guys with hair on their chests. But I love it when a guy smells like chlorine (again, the swimming thing) and said so. My friend looked at me like I was crazy so I stopped talking. Is what I find attractive really that weird?"

No Becca, that's not weird at all. We've all got something unusual that we can appreciate, just like we all have something unusual to offer. For me, its men with goatees. I realize that few women appreciate a man with facial hair, but for me, goatees are one of the easiest ways to get my attention.

I wouldn't worry too much about what your friend thinks regarding what you find attractive. She's likely to have something in her personal list that drives her wild but makes you go 'ick' in response too. In the grand scheme of life, if what you find attractive doesn't hurt you/someone else or break any laws, I see no harm in finding things out of the ordinary attractive. In fact, I think its a good thing - because if we all appreciated the same things, life would be pretty boring.

But what about you? What do you find attractive that might not be considered normal?

Is What I Find Attractive Weird? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, March 7th, 2010 at 01:41:39.

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Physical Attraction Makes Us Less Able To Make A Good Impression

According to the October 2009 edition of Psychology Today (Buy Direct), when we interact with someone we feel physical attraction to, we lose the capability to perform simple cognitive tasks. Worse still, the stronger the physical attraction, the worse things get.

Researchers at Radboud University in Holland discovered this behavioral hiccup - as many people who have suffered from a dating disaster already know - by asking people to take a basic cognitive test after interacting with another person. The more physical attraction, the worse the men's performances, irregardless if the gent was in a relationship or not. Women also fared negligibly, although not nearly as badly as the men did.

Why the embarrassing behavior? When trying to attract someone, a lot of our focus ends up in trying to make a good impression. This leads to small but sometimes significant flub ups with motor control and how we hold ourselves physically, such as tripping when you see an attractive woman or being tongue tied when you run into a hot guy.

The take away? Don't beat yourself up too much if you are a klutz around someone you like, because it happens to most of us (but more so men than women). And for those attracted to men, if the man suddenly starts acting oddly or becomes more accident prone around you, its a good bet he's interested, suffering from this unfortunate situation, and trying his best to make a great first impression. Take it as a compliment, and try to cut him a bit of slack if you can.

_{Source: Huston, Matthew. "Tongue Tied." Psychology Today September/October 2009 Vol 42, No 5:17.}

Physical Attraction Makes Us Less Able To Make A Good Impression originally appeared on About.com Dating on Friday, November 13th, 2009 at 13:11:03.

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Low Income Mothers Don't Trust Men

... or so says a recently released study shared in the Journal of Marriage and Family, as reported by Science News. Almost all of the participants in the study (96%!) were found to have "strong distrust" of the opposite sex, yet when asked about their current relationship, they stated it was of a "trusting" nature. As well, the distrust of said men didn't stop these low income women from entering into romantic, long term relationships.

I have to say that reading this study made me pause, as did the friends I shared it with. The actual information didn't surprise any of us. Rather, the percentage of women is what was frightening. Do virtually all lower income women find men untrustworthy? And if so, why are they entering into relationships with essentially the same gender they have obvious unresolved issues with?

The study went on to say that because of this mismatched trust (feeling distrustful of men in general but stating that their current relationship was trustworthy) put the women who were a part of the study at further risk for unhealthy relationships, basically doing whatever they had to to give their partner the benefit of the doubt.

What do you think about the findings of this study? What would you suggest to low income moms, or the men who date them, in response to this study?

Related: When Not To Date

Low Income Mothers Don't Trust Men originally appeared on About.com Dating on Tuesday, January 5th, 2010 at 02:33:44.

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He Tells Me What I'm 'Doing Wrong' Well After I Do It. What Now?

Issa asks: "I've been dating a gentleman for about 6 weeks now (6 dates...1 per weekend). Major bump in the relationship this weekend. While driving me home, he asked me what I wanted from a relationship and I said someone kind and respectful. Up until just a few days ago, he had been very respectful, but it seems like everything has changed now and I'm very, very confused. I said I liked relaxing together and sitting on the porch and just being comfortable. I then asked him what he wanted and, all of a sudden, I get a list of about four things that I'm doing wrong or things he doesn't like. And, three of them began with, well "Julie" used to do this (of course, that is the previous girlfriend). One of the things he listed is what my question is about.

Theirs had been a long distance relationship and I guess she always drove to see him. Out of the 6 dates, he's driven 5 of those times, but I had no idea he minded this. He said that wasn't really fair to him. My question is, are women supposed to drive half of the time?

The history is I'm in my 40s, a new school teacher (3rd year) and have been divorced for 2 1/2 years after being married for 18. He is a manager at a bank. He has never been married and told me that he dated a woman for 14 years, but only saw her maybe every couple of months. He also said that he likes a clean house (I do have quite a bit of clutter) and even said negative things about his sister's house being dirty. We met at a Panera shop once and when it was time to leave, I had kissed his neck and ear. He told me tonight that he does not really like public displays of affection (even though he said he liked it when it was happening). Is the woman really supposed to drive half of the time? I just feel really weird about everything that has happened with this gentleman this evening."

Hi Issa. I'd drop this guy like a hot potato if I were you. Not only is he telling you after the fact what he likes and dislikes, he's giving you several large red flags all at once: he mostly dates women casually (seeing them once every couple of months for years on end), doesn't commit, and sees women only as providers to him, catering to his every need - not a two way street. Sure, differences in opinion regarding PDAs and cleanliness are potential issues. At the very least they are discussion points, ways to see if you're on the same page, and an opportunity to connect with one another. In my opinion, the two of you aren't connecting, nor are you wanting the same things.

I realize I haven't addressed your main question - should women drive half the time - because to me the question is moot. I don't think that you driving half the time is the issue. But so that I don't look like I'm not answering your question? I think it depends on the relationship. I've never heard of who drives where being an issue (in several thousand dating questions received throughout the years) unless it was a long distance relationship. In that case, its polite to switch things up and take turns, but finances and family commitments can take precedence. In my experience, people who live close to one another rarely have this discussion; folks usually want to see each other however they can in the early stages of a relationship, so who drives whom rarely comes up (again, unless there are kids and/or one person makes a lot more money than the other).

I'd let the gent know kindly and quickly that things aren't working out for you and move on. After six dates I don't feel that you need to do this in person, and frankly I wouldn't recommend it. My hunch is that a respectful response won't be forthcoming, based on what you've shared already. So the next time he calls, let him know you're busy and think it would be best if the two of you didn't see each other anymore. And if he doesn't call again? Problem solved.

He Tells Me What I'm 'Doing Wrong' Well After I Do It. What Now? originally appeared on About.com Dating on Sunday, February 21st, 2010 at 12:50:55.

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Dating Question - He Suddenly Doesn't Want Commitment

Janelle asks, "I have been in relationship with a guy for the past 7 months. Now he is saying that he is not looking for a commitment, but thinks that I am. Does he just not want to be with me anymore?"

If your partner of 7 months is suddenly telling you now he doesn't want a commitment, then he's basically saying he doesn't want to be monogamous - whether he has been or not up to this point isn't clear.

If you do want a commitment from him, then its time for you to move on, because his statement clearly says he's not interested in that right now. Does it have anything to do with you? I can't tell from what you've shared, but it really doesn't matter. If you want a commitment and he doesn't, then its time to move on, heal, and then start dating again to meet someone who wants the same things you do.

Now, if you are one of the few women who aren't looking for a commitment, then he may be suggesting he wants an open relationship, that he wants to casually date other people, or that he feels things are getting too serious between the two of you. No way to tell unless you talk to him about it though, and let him know how you feel if you do happen to be on the same page.

Dating Question - He Suddenly Doesn't Want Commitment originally appeared on About.com Dating on Wednesday, December 30th, 2009 at 15:42:22.

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Latest Dating Headlines

Last Minute Valentine Gifts

Dating Question About Older Men, Younger Women

Dating Blog Carnival Returns

How Much Do Looks Matter?

Is What I Find Attractive Weird?

Physical Attraction Makes Us Less Able To Make A Good Impression

Top 10 Dating Posts of 2009

Low Income Mothers Don't Trust Men

He Tells Me What I'm 'Doing Wrong' Well After I Do It. What Now?

Dating Question - He Suddenly Doesn't Want Commitment

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